05 June 2008

Leave the Poop Out

My *favorite* thing about pregnancy is the birthing horror stories. These women should get together and write a book called 101 Things That Can Go Totally Wrong With Your Birth: Tales of Horror and Strife. It seems that the closer my belly gets to reaching the moon, the more people want to share how terrifyingly wrong their birth went. I have a sister who had a very scary birthing event so trust me, I know how it can go.

A few winners:
"My epidural only worked on half of my body and it numbed my entire right side rather than just from the waist down. So during birth I felt everything on my left side."

"I was all ready to give a natural birth when I passed out and woke up after a C-section and I couldn't move and they wouldn't bring me my baby."

"The epidural just didn't work. And then I was throwing up and pooping at the same time."

What are women trying to do to me? For some reason it seems more acceptable to share birthing horror stories than it is to share bathroom horror stories. Although probably severely less painful and what you would think to be less embarassing, women just can't talk about pooping in the toilet but they are all about telling you how they pooped during birth. Can somebody explain this to me?

7 comments:

Natalie said...

It's official... I am never getting married because then I will have sex and then get pregnant and then die because I can't handle any of these stories that you tell me.

I'll stay single and pain free for the rest of my life. Thank you for reminding me how awesome my life is.

Jen said...

I can't explain it to you. But I can say that I had a great experience, not painful, not gruesome or horrible. Maybe you'll get an experience similar to mine, and not Julie's.

gurrbonzo said...

Wait, are you asking us to explain why people poop during birth? Just kidding. As you well know from TMI on crack, my birth experience was GREAT and yours will be too. Whenever someone starts talking gruesome birth talk, look at them grumpily, shush them and point at your belly, saying, "She can hear you!" Look around...EVERYONE GOT HERE THE SAME WAY.

Gates Family said...

I really don't understand why people feel the need to share their unsolicited stories about birth. It's as awful as people whipping out pictures of their kids and then you feel obligated to ooh and aah about how cute theys are. Let's face it, we're all thinking our own kids are the cuter and that translate to my-birthing-story-is-better-than-your-birthing-story.

WonderKitty said...

Since I have no kids and no desire to get pregnant in the newr future, I really don't care how your child come into this world. I will, however, ban anyone from sharing any unsolicited advice. Stay away from me with your old-wives tales!

Oh, and about you Memo, I work at a bank and I hate it when people say they want to "withdrawl" some money. I'm sorry, you either make and 'withdrawl' or you would like to 'withdraw' money. No L.

Stephanie said...

meh. i am already getting pregnancy horror stories and i'm not even near preggo. i guess they are the sequel to all the lame marriage-wedding day/night horror stories i got from the same sort of people.

i can't believe i'm going to say this, but i will- MUST people be so negative?

mommy dearest said...

All I have to add is just say yes to drugs. Ignore Nancy Reagan and her little speeches about the evils of drug induced euphoria. Give in and say yes, yes, yes. If God wanted us to scream, yell, cry, and curse during birth he wouldn't have inspired doctors to invent the epidural.