28 September 2007

Chuckarama at Sea

We all know that foreigners dislike Americans for many reasons. We are loud, we pair fanny packs with orange shorts, green shoes, and have a husband will yellow man-pris, we think EVERYBODY should speak English, we overuse, overspend, overindulge, and we think that everybody wants to be American. I am convinced, after spending seven nights aboard Royal Caribbean's Voyager of the Seas that foreigners also hate Americans because of their massive uncontrolled food consumption.

While strolling around Europe, I first noticed that most Europeans are not overweight. And in Italy, even the not-so-rich dress well enough to have stepped off the cover of Elle. Considering that many European cities are walkable and that they eat their largest meal of the day for lunch, Europeans are already a few weight classes below the good old US of A.

The triple threat enters with the fact that Americans like to take gluttonous week-long cruises on a floating buffet. After my second or third round of onion rings at the Jonny Rockets on the ship, I started to wonder about the Hispanic and Eastern European servers that just kept bringing us food. Could they afford to go on a cruise? Could they afford onion rings and shakes and Orange Fantas galore? This post isn't about their wealth or poverty. This post is about Americans who eat so much that they have to walk with a cane or think that Chuckarama is catering their vacation and that the concierge at the Ritz-Carlton is responding to their every whim.

10 September 2007

60% of the Time it Works, Every Time

Ever since the resurfacing of Blackbeard’s Delight (posted July 2, 2007), adoring fans county-wide, and some from Davis County, have emerged from the woodwork. This man has asked that his identity remain unknown.

06 September 2007

What Part of "No Parking" Don't You Understand?

Our current residence imposes quite the premium on parking. We have one covered, reserved space and Ben graciously lets me park in it every day. Due to narrow spaces in the parking lot of our condo complex, numerous No Parking signs dot the area warning things like “Fire Zone” and “Towing Strictly Enforced.” I have yet to see any car towed for any parking violation. Violations are abundant; enforcements are non-existent. I blame the HOA for being such towing sissies and not pulling out the brass knuckles to take care of business. People think they can make any open space their exclusive parking spot. It’s not like the Albertson’s parking lot the day before Thanksgiving; spaces are available. But if an open space isn’t thisclose to somebody’s destination, they feel compelled to block fire zones, ignore civil rules, and generally get my panties in a knot.