29 November 2007


Once upon a time, my mom’s good friend decided to sell me two love seats for $25. She also threw in a round kitchen table and a vase. Subsequently, Courtnie and I decided to fill the vase with cranberries at Christmas time. It was a cute idea until we neglected to take them out and they began to rot around Valentine’s Day. The top of the vase was too small to insert a hand for cleaning so we tossed the vase.

The couches and the table, however, have stuck around. We slip covered the loveseats and since then Courtnie has moved out, Ben has moved in (for marital purposes) and the slipcovers continued to slip, wrinkle, magically remove themselves from the loveseat, and create immeasurable annoyance for me.

One day, while in the shower, (ever since my mission I get inspiration in the shower—probably because while on a mission, it’s the only place of solace.) I thought, “I should reupholster my couches.” I presented the idea to Ben and being the “try-new-projects” kind of guy that he is, he said ok. So I learned online all about reupholstery. We bought a real couch at RC Willey, donated one of the loveseats, and I set into pulling apart the leftover loveseat. I’ll spare the details but if you would like instructions, tips, or moral support, please contact me.

Julie has graciously helped me stitch the covers for the cushions. And by help, I mean I cut the pattern and she sewed while I played with Spencer and Jackson. We haven’t completed the back cushions yet so I’ll post a final picture when they are done.

It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be but it was time-consuming and I recommend an electric staple gun. The manual one crippled my hand for a day or two.

Two Floral Couches: $25
Slipcovers: $80/each
Couch Reupholstery: $150
Brick-colored suede couch done almost completely by yourself: Priceless

There are some floral couches money can buy,
for everything else there’s reupholstering it yourself.

28 November 2007

Wii Rock!

Every good marriage offers moments when your choice in spouse is validated because of things they do, experience, etc. For example, one day Ben informed me that we were going to Europe for a “work conference.” My choice validated. Another example: I stumbled across the highly-coveted, ever-elusive Nintendo Wii at Costco one day and decided to purchase said item and surprise Ben. His choice validated.

Well, last week Ben suddenly became hell-bent on finding Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock for the Wii. Once again, as Wii products go, it was elusive, mysterious, and totally sold out EVERYWHERE! I caught the bug and also became hell-bent. We began calling every Wal-Mart, Target, and Best Buy the valley over, stopping randomly at K-Mart or Circuit City just in case they had one, and furiously watching the bidding prices rise on e-Bay.

I even made a list of every Wal-Mart, Smith’s Marketplace, and Target within a 30-mile radius in desperate hopes that if I called while driving I would hear the words, “Yes, we have a few.” And then I would go 30 miles out of my way to buy one.

One night, while roaming Wal-Mart…ok, we went there just to see if they had the game…Ben and I came across an employee near the Wii game shelf with a few boxes. And to our pulse-raising surprise one of the brown boxes was Guitar-Hero-shaped. This had to be it! When Mr. Employee went around the corner to stock a shelf, Ben examined the box’s label for signs of the Guitar but was thwarted by a box with no information. In an extreme attempt at victory, he asked for my Swiss Army keychain. I posted as the lookout and Ben sliced the tape on the box. It was tense and suddenly I felt the need to remove my coat and scarf. He worked the box deftly and I kept an eye on Mr. Employee, waiting, at any moment to tell Ben to abort. Mr. Employee stayed occupied and Ben suddenly broke into the box! At last we broke into the box of…CD gift boxes?! What? Disheartening, but totally exciting.

Well Monday night I returned from work and Ben had randomly come across a brand new shipment of Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock at the Best Buy in American Fork. Needless, to say we rocked hardcore Monday night and last night. Ok, he rocks better than I do but I am learning. And once again, my choice in spouse was validated.

26 November 2007

Go-o-o-o-o-o Africa!

This blog is not about reality TV recaps—that is what TVGasm.com is for—but I would seriously lament passing up the chance to comment on last night’s episode of The Amazing Race (AR) (not sure what number the season is on—it’s like 9 or 1,000…who knows?) So every season of AR, and a lot of other reality TV shows, has one couple who I think of as the “LA Couple.” They are the 25-year-old fakies from Cali that are trying to get discovered via reality TV. By first appearing on a fairly decent and wholesome show like AR, they become the reality whores of the earth by moving on to trashier shows with more BPSI (Boobs Per Square Inch) like Road Rules or The Girls Next Door.

So, Jennifer and Nathan (dating) are this season’s “LA Couple” complete with cleavage-baring tops, icky blonde hair, and plenty of whining and girlfriend bashing by Nathan.

Last night’s episode, filmed in Burkina Faso, Africa, required the competitors to learn a native dance and perform it for three local “celebrities.” The rehearsal dance showed Chewbacca doing an African dance with a lot of jumping and foot stomping while banging the end of a stick on the ground. All the judges required was an acceptable performance of this dance—minus the Chewbacca suit—which was disappointing. Oh, and each team had to include their own creativity. Let’s not even discuss the 40-year-old blondes who think they are 20, rubbing rumps and doing pelvic thrusts at the African villagers who have probably never seen Western dancing. Anyway, the task was not rocket science.

Suddenly, the filming cuts to the Nate and Jen interview where she says, with a straight face, and I kid you not, “I used to dance for the LA Clippers NBA team.” I fully expected her to follow up with, "So tube tops and my Rah Rah resume, like totally qualify me for African tribal dancing." But Jen Jen, I heard the tribal tryouts are totally petty and completely rigged anyway.

All dancing experience included, Jen and Nate still did not make the cut and incurred a 10-minute penalty. Nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts, Jen got screwed! Footage following the penalty included Nate and Jen running to the next Road Block where she bemoans, “I am going to get so much crap in the dancing world for this.” Honestly, Jen, don’t even bring your pom poms near me or I will spew all over your Wookie dance!

15 November 2007

This One Takes the Cake

Many thanks to Julie for inspiring today’s post. As the day is drawing to a close, my mind begins to wander from my work and I decide to check my personal email. Very few forwards in the form of jokes, anonymous terror threats, heartfelt stories with pictures of kitty cats, or pass-this-on-to-8-people-or-die chain letters, get forwarded from my email, let alone read or considered; however, I cackled out loud at this prized nugget.

Keep in mind this actually really did happen! This is someone who was moving from an insurance claims office.
Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:
Walmart Employee: "Hello 'dis Walmarts, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."
Walmart Employee: "What you want on the cake?"
Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that "We will miss you."

14 November 2007

The End of an Era

Last Christmas Ben gifted me the DVD box-set of Friends—all 10 seasons, with extra footage on each episode. Needless to say, this gift had all my friends and my sisters wishing they had my husband buying their Christmas gifts.

Last week we finished the final episode. After watching one to two episodes a night (sometimes three or four on weekend nights), for the last 11 months, our journey with the whole Friends gang has come to an end. As Monica would say, “It is the end of an era.” How true it is. And so sad all at once. Nevertheless, I emerged from said era with some observations:

  • Monica is more selfish in one-to-two episode doses than just once-a-week prime time airing.
  • Phoebe is less annoying than I originally thought. The writers also gave her all the funny lines.
  • Rachel’s wardrobe got sort of funky toward the end of Season 10.
  • Chandler is the person I would like to hang out with.
  • Joey’s jeans always made his rear end look big. Couldn’t wardrobe have handled this sticky situation?
  • Ross is (in Ben’s words) “a total Patsy.”
  • Saddest Observation: I can last through two episodes (approximately 50 minutes) however, anything longer than 50 minutes is met by my closed eyelids. Our 11-month Friends indulgence has conditioned me to fall asleep one hour into anything on the TV.
  • Triumphant Realization: We plan to focus our TV-on-DVD efforts on such shows as The Office, Arrested Development, and other things that come in snippets of 20 to 25 minutes.

09 November 2007

87 Snakes Had Nothing Better to Do

A Texas man, appropriately called, “Texas Snake Man,” recently beat his own Guinness World Record by sitting in a tub with 87 rattlesnakes. Surpassing his previous record by 12 snakes, Crazy Snake Man (as I appropriately call him) escaped unbitten.

If I was a Crazy Snake Lady, I would beat my own record by one and call it a day. But why did he stop at 87? Were there only 87 resident snakes in the area? Did only 87 snakes respond to the email to get whack with the Snake Man? Maybe only 87 snakes could take work off that day. It’s possible that rattlesnakes don’t like water so when they heard a tub was involved and potentially water (although there was none), some backed out. The other 87 braved the tub trauma, thus gaining their 15 minutes of fame. Whatever the reason for a less-than-100-snake turnout, I am more interested in why these snakes agreed to take the plunge with the Texas Snake Man, than the actual setting of the record itself.

01 November 2007

Overheard in the Office (3 minutes ago)

“Trunk-or-Treating breeds isolation in children. And it also breeds obesity because they are driven to the parking lot to get candy.”

I overheard this in my office less than three minutes ago and I can’t let it pass me by. Let’s break this one down, shall we?

Point No. 1 “Trunk-or-Treating breeds isolation”
Yeah, I can see how disallowing your children to run around in the dark from house to house with a group of two or three kids fosters so much more interaction than allowing them to join 10 to 15 families in a circle, parking lot, or what have you to socialize and acquire candy.

Point No. 2 “Trunk-or-Treating breeds obesity”
The appendage to Point No. 2 is especially awesome: “…because they are driven to the parking lot.” I never realized that Halloween was the holiday-o-exercise and that it required foot traffic to all destinations. All those years that I ran around for an hour to an hour-and-a-half has really kept off the Halloween candy weight that I could have packed on as an eight- or nine-year-old child. I am so grateful for that exercise.

Maybe Mr. Down-on-Trunk-or-Treating hasn’t had the opportunity to have his child hit by a car or kidnapped into somebody’s home while Trick-or-Treating. I guess we’ll have to wait until next year to convert him.