28 April 2008

A Friend in Piglet

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

~A.A. Milne, from Winnie the Pooh.

It’s probable that nobody cares about this, let alone anything else I post on my blog. (I blog to entertain myself and if others find it worthy of a read, then kudos.) I recently registered for a 14-inch stuffed Piglet from the Classic Pooh collection at Target. Whenever I log into my baby registry on Target.com to add/change items, the oversized Piglet is the first thing on the list and I sort of chuckle and wonder how I got to the point in my life that I would actually want such a large stuffed animal. Let alone a Piglet. It’s not that it’s a huge stuffed animal. It’s what Piglet’s character represents.

I have always loved Winnie the Pooh and it was no question that I wanted my first baby’s nursery to be decorated with Classic Pooh. Luckily, Ben is on board. The literature-dissecting English minor in me likes to understand the relationship between the thoughtful honey bear and the sweater-sporting porker. Now, honestly, I haven’t researched Pooh’s and Piglet’s relationship past my own exposure to the book and movies. But I do know that Piglet loves Pooh and they are friends until the end.

To me Piglet signifies a loyal, loving, and humble friend. Thanks to my mom, my unborn child already owns a pair of pink pants with an embroidered Pooh and Piglet and the words, “My favorite place is next to you.” Now I hope that she can have an over-sized Piglet; she won’t know what it means but, for me, it signifies an uncompromising friendship "to be sure of.”

21 April 2008

That's What I Call "Viewer Discretion Advised"

Does this seem wrong to anybody else? Currently, Babies-R-Us is featuring a Pregnancy Belly Cast Kit, with which an expecting mother can paste goopy strips of casting material all over her bare overstuffed breasts and protruding tummy “to create a lasting memory of her pregnancy…that will be treasured for a lifetime.”

No, seriously. What the hell? Check out these pictures. Because I want my baby/milk factory immortalized and hung on my wall for all to see. I especially like the flowers on the breasts with stems attached to the belly button like umbilical cords. What is wrong with people?

18 April 2008

Soap-rah Box

I have always ranted about this in private. Alas, the day has come for me to take my ranting public.

Oprah is not the news. She’s not Fox. She’s not CNN. She’s not the NY Times. She’s not the Washington Post. She’s not even close to being a local news station.

Oprah is not a preacher. Oprah is not God. Oprah is not an elected official. She doesn’t teach gospel or make laws and if you don’t do what she says, you will not go to hell or prison.

Oprah feeds the “herd mentality,” as Ben calls it when something that is just ok suddenly becomes the thing that “everyone” is doing.

I am tired of going to social gatherings, church, work, or wherever and hearing women say, “Oh did you see Oprah yesterday?” As if I missed the final election returns. Or as if she was reporting for the first time on the war in Iraq.

I don’t think that Oprah is all bad. She has done some nice things for needy people and has proven that one can maintain popularity even with roller-coaster weight fluctuations. (Her niceness doesn’t include “EVERYBODY GETS A CAR!” or the Massive Give (what’s it really called?)) My panties just get in a bunch when I hear women all over say that Oprah told them how to vote, which bra size to buy, or what book to read. She’s fine for entertainment’s sake but she’s not a world leader.

08 April 2008

Those Selfish Babies!

Today, while having my blood pressure taken at the baby doctor, the nurse said, “The doctor had to go to the hospital.” She had a delivery and a C-section and they weren’t sure when she would be back. I could either wait or reschedule. Neither option was my favorite but I decided to wait it out and read Pregnancy magazine (which is not that great) to pass the time. If she didn’t show within 30 minutes or so, I would reschedule and head back to work.

Another mom-to-be wasn’t so into just biding her time while the doctor delivered some petty little baby and performed a C-section with bad timing. Oh no. She was up in arms that the doctor would go away and ditch her appointments.

“This happened to me the last time I was here,” she complained to the receptionist.

Guess what? It happened to me that last time I was here too, but I dealt with it.

“Last time I waited THREE hours for her to come back. I run a business and it’s hard enough to schedule these appointments and then have to leave my business for three hours to come wait around for the doctor.”

I understand her pregnant rage. But seriously, who the hell does she think she is?

I suppose the selfish babies that decided to join the world on this day are not as important as her regular checkup at the baby doctor. I also suppose that she will lecture her baby in the same manner that she did the receptionist. “I have been nursing you for ONE hour now. I run a business and it’s hard enough to schedule your feedings but to nurse for ONE WHOLE hour is unacceptable.”

Sometimes I think women should reconsider before they decide it’s time to have kids.

02 April 2008

Cuddle Up With a Giant Microbe

Two weekends ago Ben and I ventured out to the Clark Planetarium at Gateway to nerd it up at the IMAX movie called “Sea Monsters 3D.” It was educational, interesting, and less than 40 minutes so I could sit through it comfortably without having to use the restroom halfway through.

In true nerd fashion we arrived early so we decided to slum around the gift shop for a few minutes. Among playing with the ultra-strong magnets, deciding that I did not want a sucker with a scorpion in it, and wondering what I might see through the HUGE $1,200 telescope, I was also secretly looking for anything pink and soft that a certain daughter-to-be might one day suck on and wave around in a frantic excitement.

Then I saw this:

It was pink…and soft…and had sort of a cute face. But wait…what is it? Why is a pink snake being sold at the Planetarium? Turns out, as indicated by its tag, it’s Syphilis.

Yes, the Clark Planetarium has taken it upon themselves to not only market this STD as a stuffed animal for children, but to portray it as a fuzzy, cuddly, cute disease. Just as toy makers would have you think a bear is safe to hug, Syphilis has made its big break on to the scene as something you’ll actually want in your bed.