Public Business

As a pregnant woman with a fetus that sits on my bladder 24/7, I have gained more public restroom experience than I care to reflect upon. Generally, before leaving the house, I use our bathroom even if I don’t really have to. When I arrive at my destination, I use the restroom there and then depending on my length of stay, I go one to three more times.

Notes about some public restrooms:
Target’s bathroom toilets are a lot like fireworks. With an extremely touchy automatic flush that could ignite at any moment, it is necessary to pull down your pants and be at the ready before placing the toilet seat protector. Otherwise the fuse is ignited and the toilet will erupt into a flush just as you sit down, creating a bidet-type bum spray but without that clean European-chic feeling. Target’s toilets also have a flush that I like to call “light fuse and get away.” After business is done, you must rise and cling to the stall door (but without actually touching the door) in order to avoid the Vesuvius-type spray emitted by the toilet flush. It’s not a fun process and I try not to use the bathrooms at Target.

Albertson’s toilets are a fun story as well. In the last two months I have had to use them twice and both times I was forced to use the handicap stall. The issue here is that the rolls of toilet paper are enclosed entirely by a plastic snail-like shell that sits only one foot off the ground. Contrast that with the abnormal height of a handicap toilet and one has quite the conundrum in reaching down and then back up into the snail shell to retrieve toilet paper. Not to mention the toilet paper rolls are in there so tight they don’t turn, leaving the user with nothing but small particles of toilet paper at each attempt. I resorted to the Kleenex in my purse both times.

One of the cleanest, easiest to use bathrooms I have been in is at the Chevron just off of the Parkway Blvd. Exit of I-15 in Orem. It’s crazy because it’s a gas station but they take wicked good care of that thing.

Rumbi has decent restrooms with an automatic light that you don’t have to touch. I am all about automatic sinks, toilets (when the spray is under control), paper towel dispensers, and doors that open out so I don’t have to touch them very much.

The Red Iguana on 7th West and North Temple down town has sweet restrooms. They are a one-toilet-in-the-room-deal with separate restrooms for the “Damas” and the “Caballeros.” I obviously haven’t checked out the bathroom for the hombres but the one for the chicas is nice. It has artwork, a full-length mirror, a slider lock on the door to ensure privacy and safety and when you turn the light on, the Mexican Hat Dance begins to play. Just kidding about the Hat Dance but I secretly thought that should have happened.